Betrayal: am leaving or not?

Discover your partner's infidelity is a devastating experience for most people. And it is difficult to choose whether to truncate the report or give another chance to own pair. How to tackle so complex a moment of our lives?
          When we learn that our partner had an affair, many may be reactions: anger, disgust, fear and anxiety, sense of loss and abandonment, despair. Often these feelings are accompanied by distrust and sense of failure because it is hard to accept that our beloved has left deep involvement brings with it the intimacy with another person. All this lead us to doubt ourselves and ask ourselves whether we are quite attractive and sensual, or if it seems too old, fat, nasty, disgusting.
          The discovery of treason carries a claim implicit or not to continue the relationship with your partner? The answer is not obvious because there are many factors involved in an application as complex. For example, many people are reluctant to separate because of the presence of children, without considering that children need explanations even when parents stay together, but in a climate of growing tension. Other difficulties that may arise are economic in nature: two salaries make life easier than a single life intro alone implies.

                                             

         Beyond the practical reasons and family, other psychological factors make this very difficult choice: the love of a spouse, the emotional dependency, fear not to go it alone, the sense of guilt. Every human being is unique and may respond to such an event in a very personal way. Much also depends on the nature of treason. Many people can forgive the adventure of a night, but not a long term affair, regarded as the most devastating love of an occasional loss of control, a report justifying other born to love, rather than a relationship of nature purely sexual. Different reactions are then linked to the mentality and personality structure of the individual.
Other factors to consider:
- It 's been the first and only betrayed or our partners have a tendency to have many lovers and sexual relations? The second option may indicate that the cause of the problem lies in the betrayal of our partners, rather than in patterns of our relationship (this could be a sex addiction). In the former case, one must wonder if there is something wrong in the report and if the drift can be attributed to a crisis that lies not only partners, but in the pair. This means not justify another, but take responsibility for a small event as well as to reflect on their relationship.

- Beyond the sexual addiction, there are people with character or personality disorders, which have no respect for marriage or the relationship, the partners and no one else. I speak, for example, those diseases which ranks as the DSM IV Narcissistic Personality Disorder or sociopathy, whose feature is the lack of intersubjectivity and to be totally indifferent to the consequences of their actions. In this case, one must ask whether we are willing to live with a partner like that and it is also important to reflect on why we chose such a person on our side.

- In some cases, an unhappy or angry partner can use the affair to express his displeasure, even if incorrectly. Obviously this is not a healthy way to resolve marital problems, but it happens.

The decision to leave or try to save the couple's very personal and there is no right or wrong answer fits all. Surely in these situations, trust is violated and it is extremely difficult to restore it.

I would not be repetitive, but if you want to grow as individuals and as a couple, in these cases should take a couple psychotherapy. The unfaithful partner's motivation to commit to and work on the relationship to try to end the crisis, for you can be an indicator of his desire to rebuild your relationship and avoid future mistakes. If those who have betrayed refused psychotherapy, you should be very skeptical about the possibility of saving the marriage and think seriously about the separation.

It's important that there poniate blind attitude to forgive without reflecting on what has happened in the hope that the partner will change and be wrong than not thanks to your generosity. Usually, this is the right way to invest in a relationship doomed to failure.


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